Welcome to Retro Fashion, Shopping and Food

Orange Julius: A Blast from the Past (and hopefully into the future)

Man, what can I say about Orange Julius? It's like, the official drink of mall rats everywhere. You're cruising around with your crew, checking out the latest threads at Contempo Casuals and debating whether to blow your allowance on a pair of Doc Martens, and BAM! That familiar orange glow beckons you like a beacon of frosty goodness.

Okay, so maybe it's not exactly health food. I mean, this stuff is basically orange juice on a sugar rush, with enough whipped cream to clog your arteries faster than you can say "Clueless." But hey, it's the 90s! We're all about excess. Remember Crystal Pepsi? Exactly.

The Julius itself is like a dream. It's smooth, it's creamy, and it's got that tangy orange flavor that makes your mouth do a happy dance. Plus, it's the perfect way to cool down after a vigorous game of Dance Dance Revolution (or, you know, walking from Chess King to Sam Goody).

The Verdict:

If you're looking for a refreshing treat that's totally rad, Orange Julius is the way to go. Just don't tell your mom about all the sugar, or she'll make you drink a carrot smoothie instead.

Pro Tip: Try getting a pretzel to dip in your Julius. It's like a sweet and salty flavor explosion in your mouth!

Rating: 4.5 out of 5 slap bracelets

Sbarro Pizza Review submitted by a time traveler from 1994

Alright, so I hit up the Sbarro in the food court the other day. You know, the one with the giant slices of pizza practically begging you to eat them? Yeah, that one. I was feeling like a real grunge rocker, so I skipped the usual pepperoni and went for the veggie. (Don't worry, I had a can of Surge to wash it down, so my '90s cred is still intact.)

The Good:

• Fast and furious: Dude, this pizza is like, totally fast. You just point at the slice you want, and BAM! It's on your tray faster than you can say "Smells Like Teen Spirit." Perfect for when you're in a hurry to get back to playing Doom.
• Giant slices: Seriously, these things are huge. Like, bigger than my Discman. You get your money's worth, that's for sure.
• Food court staple: C'mon, what's a trip to the mall without a slice of Sbarro? It's practically a tradition, like wearing ripped jeans and listening to Nirvana.

The Not-So-Good:

• Greasy goodness: Okay, so maybe "goodness" is a bit of a stretch. This pizza is kinda greasy. Like, you might need a few napkins to wipe your hands afterwards. But hey, that's what flannel shirts are for, right?
• The crust: It's a little... floppy. Not exactly ideal for those of us who like a little crunch with our pizza. But hey, at least it's not as floppy as my floppy disks. (Wait, did I just date myself?)
• The veggie toppings: Okay, so maybe "veggie" is a bit of an overstatement. It's mostly onions and green peppers. But hey, at least it's not, like, totally gross or anything.

Overall:

Sbarro is like the pizza equivalent of a grunge song: a little rough around the edges, but still kinda awesome in its own way. It's not going to win any awards for gourmet pizza, but it's perfect for a quick bite when you're hanging at the mall. Just don't forget your grunge uniform and your appetite.

Final verdict: Totally rad, dude. (But maybe bring some extra napkins.)

Retro Fashion and Shopping

A Diamond in the Rough: The Curious Case of the '80s Argyle Sock

The 1980s. Big hair, shoulder pads that could double as aircraft carriers, and a curious obsession with neon. But amidst this symphony of bold fashion choices, a rather unlikely trend emerged from the shadows (or should we say, trouser legs?): the argyle sock.

Yes, those diamond-patterned wonders, once relegated to the realm of stuffy golf courses and your grandpa's sock drawer, suddenly found themselves thrust into the limelight. It was a fashion paradox, a clash of the conservative and the "totally rad."

Picture this: a power suit, complete with shoulder pads that could rival the wingspan of a Boeing 747, paired with a pair of bright pink argyle socks peeking out from beneath crisply pressed trousers. It was a look that screamed, "I'm a serious businessperson, but I also own a Rubik's Cube and maybe a pair of neon leg warmers."

Perhaps it was a rebellion against the monotony of plain socks. Or maybe it was just a collective desire to express individuality in a decade that often felt like one giant aerobics class. Whatever the reason, argyle socks became the unexpected accessory of choice for both men and women.

They were on Wall Street, paired with pinstripe suits and suspenders. They were at the mall, peeking out from beneath ripped jeans and high-top sneakers. They were even, dare we say it, spotted on the feet of celebrities. (We're looking at you, Mr. T.)

But like all trends, the argyle sock's reign eventually came to an end. As the '90s dawned, grunge took over, and the once-proud diamonds found themselves relegated back to the depths of sock drawers, perhaps whispering tales of their glorious past to their plain white and black brethren.

Yet, the argyle sock's legacy lives on. A reminder that even in the midst of the most outlandish fashion trends, a touch of the unexpected can sometimes be the most stylish statement of all. And who knows, maybe one day those diamonds will rise again, ready to conquer the fashion world once more. Just don't pair them with parachute pants. Please.